Spotting Abusive Men You Meet Online

abuse man

Ladies, some seemingly honorable men you meet via internet dating sites can be trouble in disguise. You may feel lucky finding sociable, charming suitors whose self-assurance garners public respect. But they could be concealing their true abusive personalities.

Typical Female Victims

Offenders choose vulnerable, people-pleasing, or easily manipulated women. Some endured family or partner abuse. Others enjoyed healthy upbringings and consenting relationships.

Your love won’t reform online admirers’ bad-boy ways. Unfortunately, those flaws escalate over time.

Common Male Characteristics

When victims voice abusive claims, inconsistent outward appearances make others react with shocked disbelief. Learning which actions indicate unsafe hidden behaviors can help you avoid risky relationships. More of the following traits at greater intensities increase abuse chances:

Hogging the spotlight: Most conversations focus on abusers, their activities, and achievements. They fixate on status symbols that inflate their lofty self-images. Egotistical matches rank their intellects and talents above others. Showing little concern for your priorities, they undervalue your accomplishments.

Superiority complex: Believing they merit special treatment, dates resent waiting on anything. They rate their feelings over yours. Highly critical, they dismiss or mock others’ concerns and emotions. Assumed superiority makes them address service personnel and waiters rudely.

Rushing relationships: Suitors’ obsessions progress quickly from frequent online contact to repeated calls, texts, and visits. Perpetrators pressure you into exclusive relationships too soon. Overly jealous, they fault you for flirting or cheating. Whirlwind romances don’t let you process your feelings. Rushed engagements and weddings become abusive marriages.

Unrealistic expectations: Matches depend on you to meet all their needs. Greedy for private time together, they resent your social circle and hobbies. Subtle putdowns disregard your ideas and accomplishments. Ultimately, comments disrespect things like your appearance, driving, and cooking.

Blaming others: Pessimistic abusers complain about life being unfair. They use bad days to justify angry outbursts. Easily insulted, they hold others responsible for their own setbacks. If they praise you and criticize their exes, you’ll receive their contempt eventually.

abusive behavior

Substance abuse: Excess alcohol or drugs incite arguments. Abusers view their impaired states as excuses for their hostile behaviors.

Low impulse control: Mood swings with frustration or explosive tempers cause unhealthy angry frenzies. Little things trigger throwing breakables, punching walls, outbursts at uninvolved bystanders, and road rage. Hotheads atone for aggression with apologies and gifts. Impulsiveness leads to one-night flings. Cheaters explain slipups as meaningless drunken mistakes.

Abusive histories: Culprits use controlling or abusive childhoods to excuse similar adult conduct. They appeal to your sympathy so you’ll overlook patterns they’re repeating from harsh rearing. Love interests characterize former relationship abuse as self-defense. Or they claim that previous women, opposites of you, pushed them beyond their limits.

If any stories or behaviors make you uncomfortable or fearful, run a public records search on ID True. Screening local, city, county, state, and federal databases is the easy way to uncover the truth quickly. That will help you decide if meeting in person once or again is unwise.

Inadequate empathy: Perpetrators belittle others’ feelings, saying overly sensitive people should be more mature. They mistreat animals by playing or punishing too roughly like throwing or kicking them.

Ignoring rules: Rebels have troubled pasts. Their histories range from school delinquencies to repeated firings for excessive work absences and from misdemeanors to felonies. Paranoia convinces former and current criminals that the authorities are after them. Persistent lying helps them avoid their bad behaviors’ consequences.

Should you suspect that dishonest Internet suitors are hiding violent or illegal pasts, ID True background checks will bring up criminal records. Discover arrests, sexual offenses, lawsuits, verdicts, and more before starting or deepening relationships so you can get out safely.

Sexual intimidation: Online dates pressure you to be intimate physically before you’re ready. Later, fantasies include playful forced penetration. Controlling men initiate intercourse while you’re sleeping, sulk to get whatever they want, and disregard your wishes and satisfaction. Eventually, you’ll feel like a sex toy — not a treasured sweetheart.

Self-Protection Measures

  • Reveal your abuse secret to someone trustworthy.
  • After telling abusers you won’t tolerate their behaviors, leave if blame follows apologies.
  • Dump men who hit you before potentially fatal patterns develop.
  • Break up virtually or near witnesses in public places to avoid bodily harm.
  • Keep extra keys handy for quick escapes.
  • Arrange for safe hideouts that angry rejects can’t access.
  • Stop all communication and personal contact after splitting.
  • File restraining orders if necessary.